In the waiting...

  It has been just under three weeks since we received our approval and our profile book began being shown to expecting parents. Three weeks that at times have felt more like three months :)
 Just the thought of the phone possibly ringing at any moment to tell us we have been matched is enough to drive one crazy.
      The first week I most definitely had my heart skip a beat every time I received a phone call or text. The day we received our approval I began praying the Lord would make his presence known to me in our time of waiting. He has without a doubt revealed his presence to me day in and day out.
  He has so graciously done so  in ways I hadn't expected. One day it came through an encouraging text from a friend Or seeing Chick Fil A packed full of people showing up to support our adoption. Another day it was through the Lord using a family to bless us immensely with their kindness and generosity in an unexpected way.
Yet, the most prevalent way I have felt his presence has been through my sweet little boy. Along with our approval came the understanding that at any minute with almost zero warning our little family of three can become a family of four. This understanding almost panicked me. Anyone who knows me will vouch for how I am a planner. I am most calm when I feel prepared. I worried how my little man would transition with little to no warning of a brother or sister coming home. I worried if I could be a good enough mom to two children. I worried and worried - and I hit my knees and prayed the Lord would take care of all of the teeny, tiny details that accompany adoption - that he would so beautifully orchestrate every detail we would know without a doubt everything was from the Lord's hand.
    So ... he used my son. To open my heart even more than I thought it could be opened - to teach me how amazing love is - and how it can just keep growing and growing and it never really reaches a limit. It cannot be contained by borders - He has changed my perspective from wondering when I might get to meet my new son or daughter to completely captivating me with the amazing son I already have!  He has reminded me the beauty of motherhood - the beauty of the parts that no one sees. The way he kisses me goodnight or brings me a book to read him. The way I can understand what his little toddler gibberish means when no one else does. The way he lights up when I walk in room. So many days this past week I have spent afternoons outside with my little one watching him play and learn. I have had such an overwhelming since of peace and joy that the Lord will bring our son or daughter when he is ready and thankfully not a minute before. I have an amazing son who calls me mama and a loving husband who knows how to make me smile. And that is enough for me today.
     The Lord has blessed me greatly with the joy of motherhood
  Blessed me with the gift of being called mama
  being the one he reaches up to hug
the one he walks around the house calling for
   the one he looks to for comfort
   the one who can make his face light up with just a glance

Although my heart still aches for my child to come - I have been given peace in the waiting (thus far)
      I will rest in the understanding that the Lord's timing is far more beautiful than my timing could ever be - so I will soak up every second with the ones he has blessed me with thus far and I will wait and pray for the one he will bless me with in time.

      And.... Just because I cannot believe we are this close - we only lack 1,500 of our ENORMOUS adoption fee! The Lord Provides and I know he will continue to provide this last amount!
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