This thanksgiving I can't help but feel abounding thankfulness and gratefulness.
Yet - I do not even think that being thankful or grateful really even touches on what I feel.
According to the Webster Dictionary Thankful means : glad that something has happened or not happened, that something or someone exists
Grateful means : feeling or showing thanks : feeling or showing thanks to someone for some helpful act
Yes - we are thankful the Lord has led us on this journey of adoption. We are grateful for the blessings the Lord has given us along the way and we are grateful for the baby he will bless us with in his perfect timing. But we are more than just "glad this has happened." Our gratefulness is exceedingly more than us just "feeling thankful for the helpful act." To be honest - I can't possibly help but cringe at the "helpful act" part of the definition. Nothing about this is "Helpful"
It is a choice - A choice that we know the Lord has placed on our hearts - a choice to take in an innocent baby and lay down our life for him/her. A choice to give this baby our last name and call him our own. A choice to love and care for this human life No. Matter. What. A choice to learn a new culture and embrace it as we teach our child to be proud of their culture. A choice to 100% lay down all of our plans and fully trust the Lord will provide - provide in raising the thousands of dollars left to raise, to provide a peace in the time of waiting, to provide the baby He has chosen in His perfect timing.
It is a choice - that this baby's mom and dad will make to choose LIFE for their child. An unbelievably selfless choice to give up their child in hopes that someone else could provide a life they could only hope to give. To sacrifice their own feelings and emotions for what is best for their child. Let's be real - it would be easier to just keep a baby to raise just so we could be MOM. Regardless of what life they can provide - there is nothing EASY about choosing adoption for your child.
You see it isn't them being "Helpful" to us or us being "helpful" to them.
It is a choice to love their child SO much that they are brave enough to let go and let us become mom and dad to their baby. A choice I cannot possible imagine making. A choice for us to open our hearts and love a baby we know nothing about - a baby that wasn't formed under my heart, but in it.
All this to say - I started writing this post to say I am thankful for this baby I know nothing about. I am thankful the Lord trusts us enough to be this child's mom and dad regardless of all the screw-ups He already knows we will make. I am thankful for his/her birth parents. Thankful for the choice they are choosing to make. Thankful that they for some reason in some way trust us enough with the life of their child. I am grateful for this gift of getting to be a mom to this baby. Grateful he or she will experience the love and guidance of a godly daddy. Grateful he/she will grow up seeing a mom and dad that love each other deeply. And for two sets of grandparents that are this way as well.
I am so much more than just thankful and grateful. The thankfulness and gratefulness I feel is intoxicated, captivating, and overwhelming. I am overwhelmingly joyful. I wish there was some word that I felt truly identified my heart. But for a lack of such a word - This thanksgiving I am exceedingly thankful and grateful.
Philemon 1:4 - I thank my God, making mention of thee always in my prayers,
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Blessed, Thankful, Humbled, - All Glory be to Christ!
I have been anxiously awaiting the chance to sit down and write about the amazing blessings we received last night! Now that my little man has ended his napping boycott (Can I get an AMEN!) I can sit and pour out all of the amazingly, wonderful things that left me WIDE awake well past midnight last night.
To give the day its justice I have to start at the beginning, the very beginning - so buckle up and prepare for a novel ( I will try to make it short for people like me who HATE to read...but if I don't just bare with me It is worth the read! )
This auction came about through an idea of a very good friend of mine. I knew as soon as she suggested it that I wanted to organize one. As time grew closer to the big night I feared we would not have enough items up for bid. Yet, God provided and items began pouring in even until hours before the auction began. After setting up thursday and counting 96 items up for bid I became discouraged that we wouldn't have a big enough crowd. It is becoming more and more clear to me just how eager Satan is to pounce on any area of the lives of those that love and serve the Lord. Before we left the church Thursday night our missional community group gathered around us and prayed over us, over our event, and over our sweer son or daughter we anxiously await to meet. They prayed the Lord would make his presence known friday night. They prayed he would show up and show out. And that is EXACTLY what he did. He showed up - and he showed out!
Friday morning I woke up with the chorus of a song (I have heard only once before) in my heart. It became my anthem for the day. I listened to it on the way to work Friday morning, on the way to a doctors appointment, and again on the way to the auction last night.
The chorus goes - "All Glory be to Christ the King,
all glory be to Christ,
His rule and reign we'll ever sing,
All Glory be to Christ
I didn't realize how much this song would reign true in my heart when I woke up Friday morning. But throughout the events of the day I found myself continuously praising Christ and pushing the door closed on the Devil who was surely striving to make his presence known. Friday night we left to get to the auction a little early to finish up a few last minute bids and other things that needed to be done. Traffic was AWFUL and the road we needed to turn down to get to church was conviently closed. Even more conviently every car was trying to take the detour to get to the road we too needed to be on. As I begin stressing my stud of a husband gets us through the detour and infront of a huge line of cars like a champ and manages to calm me down in the process :) So thankful for that man! We finally arrived at the church much later than I had hoped, but nonetheless made it.
I had no idea the blessings that were coming our way, no idea how many times I would hide the tears in my eyes from feeling God's presence and seeing the overwhelming love others share for our son or daughter.
The ladies from church began dropping of the desserts for the auction and encouraging me with their words and quite honestly just their presence.
And then it was show time and people began coming and the tears began forming.
I watched as people came in -
People I didn't know
Neighbors I wasn't expecting to see
Former students and their parents from my old school that I had no idea were coming
Childhood family friends that I didn't know were in town
Coworkers from Andy's work
Coworkers from my work that I have only known since August
an old friend that I havent seen or spoken to in quite some time
and people kept coming and tears kept forming
At one point the room was so full I got hot and stepped outside to catch my breath - and I was humbled as I looked in and saw once again the outstanding amount of love there was in that room for my sweet son or daughter. A love that went far deeper that the color of ones skin. A love that I can't wait to provide for my children. A love that will help to bring unity to our racially divided city.
The love in that room is what I am most thankful for:
The love that drove people to give graciously.
The love that made a dear friend purchase the last silver necklace my grandfather chisiled with his own hands before he passed - the last one my family had of his - Love that brought that friend to me at the end of the night with tears in her eyes as she told me she wanted me to have it and keep it in my family. (again the tears came because I didnt have a single one of these from my grandfather)
The love that drove people to donate items - even people I have never met before
The love that blessed us with friends sacrificing time to help set up and stay late and tear down, to sacrifice a friday night to provide live music for our guest to enjoy.
My biggest thing about the whole auction was that I did not want to be ungrateful for any amount that was raised. So I didnt dream up some huge number. Instead I added up all of the starting bids that we had a week before the auction and the total was 1,200. I told myself I would be happy if we could make 1,500 or more. God showed up and showed out. Like he so often does. He once again reminded me that He has this under control and when I will take a step back and let him be the amazingly powerful, gracious, and loving Savior he is I will be reminded of his goodness. guidance, and provision. I hoped for 1,500 last night and prayed the Lord would show up in mighty ways. God showed out and almost trippled what I had hoped to make.
Thus - I laid in bed last night wide eyed - grateful - humbled - and so full of love.
And as I began my day this morning on little sleep I stoppped by starbucks - where I was blessed with a friend who happened to be working the window who paid for my drink.
Blessed with the news from a dear friend donating yet another print so the person who had lost the bid could purchase what they had so hoped to purchase from last night.
The Lord's blessings are evident - constant- and true. I am reminded that despite the thousands and thousands of dollars left to raise we serve a MIGHTY Lord who will provide.
And I am thankful - thankful that a friend may become reconnected with Christ through this journey. Thankful for the other couples the Lord has allowed me to share with who are considering adoption! Thankful for the Love christ showed me throught he lives of others throughout this journey. I look forward to the lessons I have coming my way as we near our adoptions finalization.
I look forward to the day we put the puzzle together with our son or daughter and talk about each of the names on the back of the puzzle pieces and how they loved that sweet child before even knowing him or her (or us for that matter) I look forward to sharing the profile book with our child and letting him or her see what his birth parents used to choose us. I am filled with Christ's Love and could pour my heart out for hours- but for your sake and the sake of my house waiting to get cleaned I will refrain. I am an open book and would love to have coffee and talk about adoption - so let me know if you want to know more :) and be on the look out for me sharing our profile book soon!
All Glory be to Christ the King - All glory be to Christ - His rule and reign we'll ever sing - All glory be to christ!
To give the day its justice I have to start at the beginning, the very beginning - so buckle up and prepare for a novel ( I will try to make it short for people like me who HATE to read...but if I don't just bare with me It is worth the read! )
This auction came about through an idea of a very good friend of mine. I knew as soon as she suggested it that I wanted to organize one. As time grew closer to the big night I feared we would not have enough items up for bid. Yet, God provided and items began pouring in even until hours before the auction began. After setting up thursday and counting 96 items up for bid I became discouraged that we wouldn't have a big enough crowd. It is becoming more and more clear to me just how eager Satan is to pounce on any area of the lives of those that love and serve the Lord. Before we left the church Thursday night our missional community group gathered around us and prayed over us, over our event, and over our sweer son or daughter we anxiously await to meet. They prayed the Lord would make his presence known friday night. They prayed he would show up and show out. And that is EXACTLY what he did. He showed up - and he showed out!
Friday morning I woke up with the chorus of a song (I have heard only once before) in my heart. It became my anthem for the day. I listened to it on the way to work Friday morning, on the way to a doctors appointment, and again on the way to the auction last night.
The chorus goes - "All Glory be to Christ the King,
all glory be to Christ,
His rule and reign we'll ever sing,
All Glory be to Christ
I didn't realize how much this song would reign true in my heart when I woke up Friday morning. But throughout the events of the day I found myself continuously praising Christ and pushing the door closed on the Devil who was surely striving to make his presence known. Friday night we left to get to the auction a little early to finish up a few last minute bids and other things that needed to be done. Traffic was AWFUL and the road we needed to turn down to get to church was conviently closed. Even more conviently every car was trying to take the detour to get to the road we too needed to be on. As I begin stressing my stud of a husband gets us through the detour and infront of a huge line of cars like a champ and manages to calm me down in the process :) So thankful for that man! We finally arrived at the church much later than I had hoped, but nonetheless made it.
I had no idea the blessings that were coming our way, no idea how many times I would hide the tears in my eyes from feeling God's presence and seeing the overwhelming love others share for our son or daughter.
The ladies from church began dropping of the desserts for the auction and encouraging me with their words and quite honestly just their presence.
And then it was show time and people began coming and the tears began forming.
I watched as people came in -
People I didn't know
Neighbors I wasn't expecting to see
Former students and their parents from my old school that I had no idea were coming
Childhood family friends that I didn't know were in town
Coworkers from Andy's work
Coworkers from my work that I have only known since August
an old friend that I havent seen or spoken to in quite some time
and people kept coming and tears kept forming
At one point the room was so full I got hot and stepped outside to catch my breath - and I was humbled as I looked in and saw once again the outstanding amount of love there was in that room for my sweet son or daughter. A love that went far deeper that the color of ones skin. A love that I can't wait to provide for my children. A love that will help to bring unity to our racially divided city.
The love in that room is what I am most thankful for:
The love that drove people to give graciously.
The love that made a dear friend purchase the last silver necklace my grandfather chisiled with his own hands before he passed - the last one my family had of his - Love that brought that friend to me at the end of the night with tears in her eyes as she told me she wanted me to have it and keep it in my family. (again the tears came because I didnt have a single one of these from my grandfather)
The love that drove people to donate items - even people I have never met before
The love that blessed us with friends sacrificing time to help set up and stay late and tear down, to sacrifice a friday night to provide live music for our guest to enjoy.
My biggest thing about the whole auction was that I did not want to be ungrateful for any amount that was raised. So I didnt dream up some huge number. Instead I added up all of the starting bids that we had a week before the auction and the total was 1,200. I told myself I would be happy if we could make 1,500 or more. God showed up and showed out. Like he so often does. He once again reminded me that He has this under control and when I will take a step back and let him be the amazingly powerful, gracious, and loving Savior he is I will be reminded of his goodness. guidance, and provision. I hoped for 1,500 last night and prayed the Lord would show up in mighty ways. God showed out and almost trippled what I had hoped to make.
Thus - I laid in bed last night wide eyed - grateful - humbled - and so full of love.
And as I began my day this morning on little sleep I stoppped by starbucks - where I was blessed with a friend who happened to be working the window who paid for my drink.
Blessed with the news from a dear friend donating yet another print so the person who had lost the bid could purchase what they had so hoped to purchase from last night.
The Lord's blessings are evident - constant- and true. I am reminded that despite the thousands and thousands of dollars left to raise we serve a MIGHTY Lord who will provide.
And I am thankful - thankful that a friend may become reconnected with Christ through this journey. Thankful for the other couples the Lord has allowed me to share with who are considering adoption! Thankful for the Love christ showed me throught he lives of others throughout this journey. I look forward to the lessons I have coming my way as we near our adoptions finalization.
I look forward to the day we put the puzzle together with our son or daughter and talk about each of the names on the back of the puzzle pieces and how they loved that sweet child before even knowing him or her (or us for that matter) I look forward to sharing the profile book with our child and letting him or her see what his birth parents used to choose us. I am filled with Christ's Love and could pour my heart out for hours- but for your sake and the sake of my house waiting to get cleaned I will refrain. I am an open book and would love to have coffee and talk about adoption - so let me know if you want to know more :) and be on the look out for me sharing our profile book soon!
All Glory be to Christ the King - All glory be to Christ - His rule and reign we'll ever sing - All glory be to christ!
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Little one
Little one,
I catch myself thinking about you as if you were growing inside my belly.
Although you are not - I know for certain you are already growing in my heart.
I am praying for you little one and for the loss I know is to come.
It wasn't until recently that God allowed a sweet friend to remind me that no matter how young you are when we get to welcome you- you indeed will still feel a deep loss.
For if you are already growing in a belly somewhere you are dancing in the rhythm of her walk
You are smelling her smells and hearing her voice and despite being so young you still know you are hers I pray for our bond my little one - that you will feel safe in my touch and loved by my smell.
I anxiously await to hold you and feel your warmth. To introduce you to your sweet big brother who is sure to kiss you lots :) To see your daddy smile when you cuddle with him and to see all our family and friends coo over you .
I pray your daddy and I can help you grieve and heal when the time comes and that you may have peace at why the Lord choose you to bless us with.
I pray for your birth mom whether she knows about you or not.
I pray for her heart to heal as she learns your kicks. I pray that the Lord would use your daddy and I immensely in her life. That he would pour down peace on her heart as she chooses us to care for you. I pray her heart would heal as she grieves your loss and yet rejoice in her own bravery to give choose life for you. I pray that through life's journey you will always respect your birth mom for the choice she made for you. I pray you will never doubt our love for you despite whatever differences we may have. I pray you would find purpose in the world and experience growth through your hardships.
So wherever you are you rest in God's hands and we rejoice over the day that is to come when he entrusts you to us. What a beautiful day that will be
Love your mommy
I catch myself thinking about you as if you were growing inside my belly.
Although you are not - I know for certain you are already growing in my heart.
I am praying for you little one and for the loss I know is to come.
It wasn't until recently that God allowed a sweet friend to remind me that no matter how young you are when we get to welcome you- you indeed will still feel a deep loss.
For if you are already growing in a belly somewhere you are dancing in the rhythm of her walk
You are smelling her smells and hearing her voice and despite being so young you still know you are hers I pray for our bond my little one - that you will feel safe in my touch and loved by my smell.
I anxiously await to hold you and feel your warmth. To introduce you to your sweet big brother who is sure to kiss you lots :) To see your daddy smile when you cuddle with him and to see all our family and friends coo over you .
I pray your daddy and I can help you grieve and heal when the time comes and that you may have peace at why the Lord choose you to bless us with.
I pray for your birth mom whether she knows about you or not.
I pray for her heart to heal as she learns your kicks. I pray that the Lord would use your daddy and I immensely in her life. That he would pour down peace on her heart as she chooses us to care for you. I pray her heart would heal as she grieves your loss and yet rejoice in her own bravery to give choose life for you. I pray that through life's journey you will always respect your birth mom for the choice she made for you. I pray you will never doubt our love for you despite whatever differences we may have. I pray you would find purpose in the world and experience growth through your hardships.
So wherever you are you rest in God's hands and we rejoice over the day that is to come when he entrusts you to us. What a beautiful day that will be
Love your mommy
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