With Christmas only 10 days away we are well into the Advent Season.
Advent - waiting in anticipation on the coming of the Lord
Advent - Preparing your heart for the one that will/has change(d) the world.
This Advent season has been so very different than all of the past.
Perhaps it is because I have grown in wisdom and knowledge in what Advent is.
Yet - perhaps it is because I too am waiting on a baby.
As an adoptive mama my mind goes to Mary and her waiting.
What incredible darkness she must have felt at times.
Fear and anxiety of what to do with the realization that the one who holds everything together is snug inside her womb.
Oh how she must have wanted eyes to see..... just a glimpse of the days ahead.
How alone she must have felt in the months leading up to his birth
It has been eleven long, hard, dark, months of waiting
15 long months since we began this journey again ... waiting
Waiting on a baby
A waiting family for two agencies....
Sometimes the days are easy ....
but mostly they are hard and lonely
It has been the hardest eleven months of my life
Filled with emotional roller coasters of preparing your heart for a baby to only find out the birth mother never showed back up, or that is was just not your time to be choosen.
Days of pleading for eyes to see .... to see past the longing, the aching of my heart
Many day of walking past the door to an empty nursery
Days of prayer to the birth moms and babies brought to our attention and for the families the Lord has in mind for them.
Just as Mary could not see what the days, weeks, and months to come would reveal
Neither do I
When Gabriel appeared to Mary she was frightened, terrified, confused.
She even questioned him with "How will this be, since I am a virgin?"
and the Angel answered her "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High
will overshadow you; therefor the child to be born will be called holy - the son of God..."
And Mary replied "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord let it be to me according to your word."
Be it done to me according to your word.
What is it the Lord is calling you to do?
We all have seasons of waiting....
Ours began over three years ago we began pursuing our call to adoption and the Lord blessed us with the surprise pregnancy with Judah.
15 months ago we began the journey again. We committed ourselves to the what the Lord had placed on our hearts.
The Lord did not promise to make the road easy, nor did he promise to make the wait short
But he did promise to wait with us
To strengthen us in our weakness
In this season of waiting he showers us with his grace
He has mended my broken heart time and time again
He continues to redeem me ... repair me
He gives strength to smile at babies you meet as you long for your own
He reminds me of his presence through a simple text of prayers for our adoption
There is something incredibly tragic about anxiously longing and waiting for a mother to choose you to raise her child...to be the one called mom.
There is much unknown, updates that must be made, more fees that must be paid as we reach the year mark... there is a stack of papers waiting to be refilled out and returned...a yearly updated home study waiting to be scheduled... updated physicals and background checks...so much to get lost in...so many feelings trying to engulf you.... to steal your joy
In the waiting there is darkness, but in Christ there is light
In darkness His light shines increasingly brighter
And In his light we may find joy
This Advent season ....as I long for the birth of a baby ... I can rejoice in the one that has already come
Luke 1:45 Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her.
