Tuesday, December 31, 2013
A plea for Help ..... a plea for peace
I sit hear wishing I could speak my heart with eloquent words and beautiful text, but am reminded that I am not called to make words beautiful, but to simply speak truth. And truth is what I give you: I need peace
With only hours remaining before we welcome in a new year I find myself seeking Gods Peace.
Seeking Peace as we so patiently wait for our home study to be completed.
Seeking Peace as tomorrow becomes January 1st - when we should have been approved and ready to be "shown" to expecting families.
Peace that we will meet our precious son or daughter this year
and really overall seeking peace that the Lord will provide the thousands of dollars left to raise before our placement occurs.
Throughout this whole adoption process I have to say that it is the daunting amount of money that leaves me feeling the most anxious, overwhelmed, and out of control.
Yet, I know it is through this the Lord is teaching me most.
Real Talk - Our adoption costs more than I make in a year. Woah - yep still seems as crazy as it sounds in my head to see it written on paper (or typed for that matter).
But that is ok. Why? Because I know that in some way, some how, the money will be raised and the Lord will provide. How do I know this?
Because the Lord specifically placed adoption on both Andy's heart and mine.
Because the Lord has given us PEACE that we will meet our son or daughter through adoption.
And mostly because I know 4 truths
That the Lord is Great - so I don't have to be in control
The Lord is Glorious - so I don't have to fear
The Lord is Good - so I don't have to look elsewhere for satisfaction
The Lord is Gracious - so I don't have to prove myself
It has been through this Journey that the Lord has taught me what matters most.
With the start of January comes the arrival of my mid-January birthday. My sweet husband has begun asking what I would like for my birthday. In all honesty, This year the only thing I want is to complete the home study and to raise the money needed.
Sometimes I feel like I am repeatedly hitting my head into the wall with fundraising.
But to be honest - the Lord has called us to adopt and we have committed ourselves to being obedient. Part of our obedience is being committed to raising money (along with praying, filling out forms, completing training, reading books, praying, praying, and sharing God's love for us through our adoption story)
When someone asks me to tell them about our adoption the first thing that comes to mind is beautifully stretching. It has made me consider tough issues, made me get out of my comfort zone and realize I can not do it on my own. Made me ask for help.
And through the help, love, and support of others I know we will be able to share how incredibly loved our son or daughter is. How people have loved this sweet baby before knowing anything about him or her. People who do not even know Andy and I have shown support and love for our sweet child. I know that we were not meant to do this alone. And in that I find peace.
Peace in people opening their hearts to help us raise money.
Like Amy S who has an Etsy Shop called Savinggrace28.
She has generously opened up her shop to help raise money for our adoption.
She is graciously donating 20% of profit for all customers who enter the coupon code Maliskas at checkout (Until January 31st!!!)
https://www.etsy.com/shop/savinggrace28?section_id=11424402&page=2
Or the organization Bonfire Funds who is donating money to our adoption through the purchase of each of our adoption tee shirts sold.
Our adoption shirt looks like this
and you can order one at this website Deadline January 20th
https://www.bonfirefunds.com/maliskas-family-adoption/?r=25940
We chose the wording "One More Loved" as we are working to welcome a sweet, innocent baby into our family and show him or her the love of the Lord and family. One more child provided with a stable, safe, nurturing home. One more person that opens our hearts to love again. One more birth mom who is shown love in the midst of heartache. Who is shown the love of Christ in a time of darkness.
Love is woven in and out of our journey.
Love is what we cling to.
Love is what we will teach this sweet baby - the love of Christ, the love of family, and the love of friends.
How love brings people all over the world, who know nothing about one another to support this adoption, to love this child.
Despite the unknown of what this year holds I ask that you consider praying for us as we wait to meet the child the Lord has created us to have. I ask that you consider purchasing an item from Savinggrace28 or a tee shirt to help spread our story, and that you would consider spreading our story. For Christ loved us and we will love others.
and in times when my soul is anxious, fearful, unsure, and overwhelmed I will find peace in knowing "the Lord makes his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lifts up his countenance upon you and give you peace."- Numbers 6:25-26
John 14:27 - "Peace I leave with you: my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=3QRXF44NB5QDW
Friday, December 6, 2013
Our Profile Book .....
As I am sitting here in the quiet of my house listening to the sound of the rain/sleet falling outside I am filled with peace. We found out yesterday our home study date has been pushed back until after Christmas. Two years ago I would have been heart broken, but I am not. I have such a surprising peace. This whole journey we have been praying we would meet our son/daughter in God's perfect timing -and so we will wait with peace. We will enjoy the holidays as a family of three for hopefully the last time :) We will use this time to focus on fundraising as there is still a large amount we must raise. We will wait patiently ( or try to ) and know that the Lord is still preparing our hearts, the hearts of the birth parents, and still shaping and forming our son or daughter.
Our Profile Book as arrived :)
This is what the birth parents will use to choose us or to set up a meeting with us depending on how much openness they desire. Words cannot express how difficult it was to create this book. Trying to include every aspect of what you desire the birth parents to know about you in just 20 short pages. Desiring them to know you already love their child, but not wanting to turn them away from too much to read. Try portraying everything your family stands for in 20 short pages is insane. I have lost count on how many times I went back and changed out pictures or text. I finally just had to order it and be done. To stop obsessing on trying to make it perfect. I am excited to share it with you. Excited to invite you to view our family through the eyes of a birth family. One day this little book will be given to our son or daughter to help them see what their parents looked at to choose us. To create a discussion on why they may have chosen us. This little book is so special to me. It is the first time our son or daughters birth mom (and) dad will lay eyes on us. It is through this encounter that we pray they have an overwhelming peace that the Lord has created that small child for our family. A peace for the first time that their child will be loved and cherished. We pray through this time they will experience hope in a time that may feel hopeless.
Enjoy ....
Our Profile Book as arrived :)
This is what the birth parents will use to choose us or to set up a meeting with us depending on how much openness they desire. Words cannot express how difficult it was to create this book. Trying to include every aspect of what you desire the birth parents to know about you in just 20 short pages. Desiring them to know you already love their child, but not wanting to turn them away from too much to read. Try portraying everything your family stands for in 20 short pages is insane. I have lost count on how many times I went back and changed out pictures or text. I finally just had to order it and be done. To stop obsessing on trying to make it perfect. I am excited to share it with you. Excited to invite you to view our family through the eyes of a birth family. One day this little book will be given to our son or daughter to help them see what their parents looked at to choose us. To create a discussion on why they may have chosen us. This little book is so special to me. It is the first time our son or daughters birth mom (and) dad will lay eyes on us. It is through this encounter that we pray they have an overwhelming peace that the Lord has created that small child for our family. A peace for the first time that their child will be loved and cherished. We pray through this time they will experience hope in a time that may feel hopeless.
Enjoy ....
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Thursday, November 28, 2013
We are .......
This thanksgiving I can't help but feel abounding thankfulness and gratefulness.
Yet - I do not even think that being thankful or grateful really even touches on what I feel.
According to the Webster Dictionary Thankful means : glad that something has happened or not happened, that something or someone exists
Grateful means : feeling or showing thanks : feeling or showing thanks to someone for some helpful act
Yes - we are thankful the Lord has led us on this journey of adoption. We are grateful for the blessings the Lord has given us along the way and we are grateful for the baby he will bless us with in his perfect timing. But we are more than just "glad this has happened." Our gratefulness is exceedingly more than us just "feeling thankful for the helpful act." To be honest - I can't possibly help but cringe at the "helpful act" part of the definition. Nothing about this is "Helpful"
It is a choice - A choice that we know the Lord has placed on our hearts - a choice to take in an innocent baby and lay down our life for him/her. A choice to give this baby our last name and call him our own. A choice to love and care for this human life No. Matter. What. A choice to learn a new culture and embrace it as we teach our child to be proud of their culture. A choice to 100% lay down all of our plans and fully trust the Lord will provide - provide in raising the thousands of dollars left to raise, to provide a peace in the time of waiting, to provide the baby He has chosen in His perfect timing.
It is a choice - that this baby's mom and dad will make to choose LIFE for their child. An unbelievably selfless choice to give up their child in hopes that someone else could provide a life they could only hope to give. To sacrifice their own feelings and emotions for what is best for their child. Let's be real - it would be easier to just keep a baby to raise just so we could be MOM. Regardless of what life they can provide - there is nothing EASY about choosing adoption for your child.
You see it isn't them being "Helpful" to us or us being "helpful" to them.
It is a choice to love their child SO much that they are brave enough to let go and let us become mom and dad to their baby. A choice I cannot possible imagine making. A choice for us to open our hearts and love a baby we know nothing about - a baby that wasn't formed under my heart, but in it.
All this to say - I started writing this post to say I am thankful for this baby I know nothing about. I am thankful the Lord trusts us enough to be this child's mom and dad regardless of all the screw-ups He already knows we will make. I am thankful for his/her birth parents. Thankful for the choice they are choosing to make. Thankful that they for some reason in some way trust us enough with the life of their child. I am grateful for this gift of getting to be a mom to this baby. Grateful he or she will experience the love and guidance of a godly daddy. Grateful he/she will grow up seeing a mom and dad that love each other deeply. And for two sets of grandparents that are this way as well.
I am so much more than just thankful and grateful. The thankfulness and gratefulness I feel is intoxicated, captivating, and overwhelming. I am overwhelmingly joyful. I wish there was some word that I felt truly identified my heart. But for a lack of such a word - This thanksgiving I am exceedingly thankful and grateful.
Philemon 1:4 - I thank my God, making mention of thee always in my prayers,
Yet - I do not even think that being thankful or grateful really even touches on what I feel.
According to the Webster Dictionary Thankful means : glad that something has happened or not happened, that something or someone exists
Grateful means : feeling or showing thanks : feeling or showing thanks to someone for some helpful act
Yes - we are thankful the Lord has led us on this journey of adoption. We are grateful for the blessings the Lord has given us along the way and we are grateful for the baby he will bless us with in his perfect timing. But we are more than just "glad this has happened." Our gratefulness is exceedingly more than us just "feeling thankful for the helpful act." To be honest - I can't possibly help but cringe at the "helpful act" part of the definition. Nothing about this is "Helpful"
It is a choice - A choice that we know the Lord has placed on our hearts - a choice to take in an innocent baby and lay down our life for him/her. A choice to give this baby our last name and call him our own. A choice to love and care for this human life No. Matter. What. A choice to learn a new culture and embrace it as we teach our child to be proud of their culture. A choice to 100% lay down all of our plans and fully trust the Lord will provide - provide in raising the thousands of dollars left to raise, to provide a peace in the time of waiting, to provide the baby He has chosen in His perfect timing.
It is a choice - that this baby's mom and dad will make to choose LIFE for their child. An unbelievably selfless choice to give up their child in hopes that someone else could provide a life they could only hope to give. To sacrifice their own feelings and emotions for what is best for their child. Let's be real - it would be easier to just keep a baby to raise just so we could be MOM. Regardless of what life they can provide - there is nothing EASY about choosing adoption for your child.
You see it isn't them being "Helpful" to us or us being "helpful" to them.
It is a choice to love their child SO much that they are brave enough to let go and let us become mom and dad to their baby. A choice I cannot possible imagine making. A choice for us to open our hearts and love a baby we know nothing about - a baby that wasn't formed under my heart, but in it.
All this to say - I started writing this post to say I am thankful for this baby I know nothing about. I am thankful the Lord trusts us enough to be this child's mom and dad regardless of all the screw-ups He already knows we will make. I am thankful for his/her birth parents. Thankful for the choice they are choosing to make. Thankful that they for some reason in some way trust us enough with the life of their child. I am grateful for this gift of getting to be a mom to this baby. Grateful he or she will experience the love and guidance of a godly daddy. Grateful he/she will grow up seeing a mom and dad that love each other deeply. And for two sets of grandparents that are this way as well.
I am so much more than just thankful and grateful. The thankfulness and gratefulness I feel is intoxicated, captivating, and overwhelming. I am overwhelmingly joyful. I wish there was some word that I felt truly identified my heart. But for a lack of such a word - This thanksgiving I am exceedingly thankful and grateful.
Philemon 1:4 - I thank my God, making mention of thee always in my prayers,
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Blessed, Thankful, Humbled, - All Glory be to Christ!
I have been anxiously awaiting the chance to sit down and write about the amazing blessings we received last night! Now that my little man has ended his napping boycott (Can I get an AMEN!) I can sit and pour out all of the amazingly, wonderful things that left me WIDE awake well past midnight last night.
To give the day its justice I have to start at the beginning, the very beginning - so buckle up and prepare for a novel ( I will try to make it short for people like me who HATE to read...but if I don't just bare with me It is worth the read! )
This auction came about through an idea of a very good friend of mine. I knew as soon as she suggested it that I wanted to organize one. As time grew closer to the big night I feared we would not have enough items up for bid. Yet, God provided and items began pouring in even until hours before the auction began. After setting up thursday and counting 96 items up for bid I became discouraged that we wouldn't have a big enough crowd. It is becoming more and more clear to me just how eager Satan is to pounce on any area of the lives of those that love and serve the Lord. Before we left the church Thursday night our missional community group gathered around us and prayed over us, over our event, and over our sweer son or daughter we anxiously await to meet. They prayed the Lord would make his presence known friday night. They prayed he would show up and show out. And that is EXACTLY what he did. He showed up - and he showed out!
Friday morning I woke up with the chorus of a song (I have heard only once before) in my heart. It became my anthem for the day. I listened to it on the way to work Friday morning, on the way to a doctors appointment, and again on the way to the auction last night.
The chorus goes - "All Glory be to Christ the King,
all glory be to Christ,
His rule and reign we'll ever sing,
All Glory be to Christ
I didn't realize how much this song would reign true in my heart when I woke up Friday morning. But throughout the events of the day I found myself continuously praising Christ and pushing the door closed on the Devil who was surely striving to make his presence known. Friday night we left to get to the auction a little early to finish up a few last minute bids and other things that needed to be done. Traffic was AWFUL and the road we needed to turn down to get to church was conviently closed. Even more conviently every car was trying to take the detour to get to the road we too needed to be on. As I begin stressing my stud of a husband gets us through the detour and infront of a huge line of cars like a champ and manages to calm me down in the process :) So thankful for that man! We finally arrived at the church much later than I had hoped, but nonetheless made it.
I had no idea the blessings that were coming our way, no idea how many times I would hide the tears in my eyes from feeling God's presence and seeing the overwhelming love others share for our son or daughter.
The ladies from church began dropping of the desserts for the auction and encouraging me with their words and quite honestly just their presence.
And then it was show time and people began coming and the tears began forming.
I watched as people came in -
People I didn't know
Neighbors I wasn't expecting to see
Former students and their parents from my old school that I had no idea were coming
Childhood family friends that I didn't know were in town
Coworkers from Andy's work
Coworkers from my work that I have only known since August
an old friend that I havent seen or spoken to in quite some time
and people kept coming and tears kept forming
At one point the room was so full I got hot and stepped outside to catch my breath - and I was humbled as I looked in and saw once again the outstanding amount of love there was in that room for my sweet son or daughter. A love that went far deeper that the color of ones skin. A love that I can't wait to provide for my children. A love that will help to bring unity to our racially divided city.
The love in that room is what I am most thankful for:
The love that drove people to give graciously.
The love that made a dear friend purchase the last silver necklace my grandfather chisiled with his own hands before he passed - the last one my family had of his - Love that brought that friend to me at the end of the night with tears in her eyes as she told me she wanted me to have it and keep it in my family. (again the tears came because I didnt have a single one of these from my grandfather)
The love that drove people to donate items - even people I have never met before
The love that blessed us with friends sacrificing time to help set up and stay late and tear down, to sacrifice a friday night to provide live music for our guest to enjoy.
My biggest thing about the whole auction was that I did not want to be ungrateful for any amount that was raised. So I didnt dream up some huge number. Instead I added up all of the starting bids that we had a week before the auction and the total was 1,200. I told myself I would be happy if we could make 1,500 or more. God showed up and showed out. Like he so often does. He once again reminded me that He has this under control and when I will take a step back and let him be the amazingly powerful, gracious, and loving Savior he is I will be reminded of his goodness. guidance, and provision. I hoped for 1,500 last night and prayed the Lord would show up in mighty ways. God showed out and almost trippled what I had hoped to make.
Thus - I laid in bed last night wide eyed - grateful - humbled - and so full of love.
And as I began my day this morning on little sleep I stoppped by starbucks - where I was blessed with a friend who happened to be working the window who paid for my drink.
Blessed with the news from a dear friend donating yet another print so the person who had lost the bid could purchase what they had so hoped to purchase from last night.
The Lord's blessings are evident - constant- and true. I am reminded that despite the thousands and thousands of dollars left to raise we serve a MIGHTY Lord who will provide.
And I am thankful - thankful that a friend may become reconnected with Christ through this journey. Thankful for the other couples the Lord has allowed me to share with who are considering adoption! Thankful for the Love christ showed me throught he lives of others throughout this journey. I look forward to the lessons I have coming my way as we near our adoptions finalization.
I look forward to the day we put the puzzle together with our son or daughter and talk about each of the names on the back of the puzzle pieces and how they loved that sweet child before even knowing him or her (or us for that matter) I look forward to sharing the profile book with our child and letting him or her see what his birth parents used to choose us. I am filled with Christ's Love and could pour my heart out for hours- but for your sake and the sake of my house waiting to get cleaned I will refrain. I am an open book and would love to have coffee and talk about adoption - so let me know if you want to know more :) and be on the look out for me sharing our profile book soon!
All Glory be to Christ the King - All glory be to Christ - His rule and reign we'll ever sing - All glory be to christ!
To give the day its justice I have to start at the beginning, the very beginning - so buckle up and prepare for a novel ( I will try to make it short for people like me who HATE to read...but if I don't just bare with me It is worth the read! )
This auction came about through an idea of a very good friend of mine. I knew as soon as she suggested it that I wanted to organize one. As time grew closer to the big night I feared we would not have enough items up for bid. Yet, God provided and items began pouring in even until hours before the auction began. After setting up thursday and counting 96 items up for bid I became discouraged that we wouldn't have a big enough crowd. It is becoming more and more clear to me just how eager Satan is to pounce on any area of the lives of those that love and serve the Lord. Before we left the church Thursday night our missional community group gathered around us and prayed over us, over our event, and over our sweer son or daughter we anxiously await to meet. They prayed the Lord would make his presence known friday night. They prayed he would show up and show out. And that is EXACTLY what he did. He showed up - and he showed out!
Friday morning I woke up with the chorus of a song (I have heard only once before) in my heart. It became my anthem for the day. I listened to it on the way to work Friday morning, on the way to a doctors appointment, and again on the way to the auction last night.
The chorus goes - "All Glory be to Christ the King,
all glory be to Christ,
His rule and reign we'll ever sing,
All Glory be to Christ
I didn't realize how much this song would reign true in my heart when I woke up Friday morning. But throughout the events of the day I found myself continuously praising Christ and pushing the door closed on the Devil who was surely striving to make his presence known. Friday night we left to get to the auction a little early to finish up a few last minute bids and other things that needed to be done. Traffic was AWFUL and the road we needed to turn down to get to church was conviently closed. Even more conviently every car was trying to take the detour to get to the road we too needed to be on. As I begin stressing my stud of a husband gets us through the detour and infront of a huge line of cars like a champ and manages to calm me down in the process :) So thankful for that man! We finally arrived at the church much later than I had hoped, but nonetheless made it.
I had no idea the blessings that were coming our way, no idea how many times I would hide the tears in my eyes from feeling God's presence and seeing the overwhelming love others share for our son or daughter.
The ladies from church began dropping of the desserts for the auction and encouraging me with their words and quite honestly just their presence.
And then it was show time and people began coming and the tears began forming.
I watched as people came in -
People I didn't know
Neighbors I wasn't expecting to see
Former students and their parents from my old school that I had no idea were coming
Childhood family friends that I didn't know were in town
Coworkers from Andy's work
Coworkers from my work that I have only known since August
an old friend that I havent seen or spoken to in quite some time
and people kept coming and tears kept forming
At one point the room was so full I got hot and stepped outside to catch my breath - and I was humbled as I looked in and saw once again the outstanding amount of love there was in that room for my sweet son or daughter. A love that went far deeper that the color of ones skin. A love that I can't wait to provide for my children. A love that will help to bring unity to our racially divided city.
The love in that room is what I am most thankful for:
The love that drove people to give graciously.
The love that made a dear friend purchase the last silver necklace my grandfather chisiled with his own hands before he passed - the last one my family had of his - Love that brought that friend to me at the end of the night with tears in her eyes as she told me she wanted me to have it and keep it in my family. (again the tears came because I didnt have a single one of these from my grandfather)
The love that drove people to donate items - even people I have never met before
The love that blessed us with friends sacrificing time to help set up and stay late and tear down, to sacrifice a friday night to provide live music for our guest to enjoy.
My biggest thing about the whole auction was that I did not want to be ungrateful for any amount that was raised. So I didnt dream up some huge number. Instead I added up all of the starting bids that we had a week before the auction and the total was 1,200. I told myself I would be happy if we could make 1,500 or more. God showed up and showed out. Like he so often does. He once again reminded me that He has this under control and when I will take a step back and let him be the amazingly powerful, gracious, and loving Savior he is I will be reminded of his goodness. guidance, and provision. I hoped for 1,500 last night and prayed the Lord would show up in mighty ways. God showed out and almost trippled what I had hoped to make.
Thus - I laid in bed last night wide eyed - grateful - humbled - and so full of love.
And as I began my day this morning on little sleep I stoppped by starbucks - where I was blessed with a friend who happened to be working the window who paid for my drink.
Blessed with the news from a dear friend donating yet another print so the person who had lost the bid could purchase what they had so hoped to purchase from last night.
The Lord's blessings are evident - constant- and true. I am reminded that despite the thousands and thousands of dollars left to raise we serve a MIGHTY Lord who will provide.
And I am thankful - thankful that a friend may become reconnected with Christ through this journey. Thankful for the other couples the Lord has allowed me to share with who are considering adoption! Thankful for the Love christ showed me throught he lives of others throughout this journey. I look forward to the lessons I have coming my way as we near our adoptions finalization.
I look forward to the day we put the puzzle together with our son or daughter and talk about each of the names on the back of the puzzle pieces and how they loved that sweet child before even knowing him or her (or us for that matter) I look forward to sharing the profile book with our child and letting him or her see what his birth parents used to choose us. I am filled with Christ's Love and could pour my heart out for hours- but for your sake and the sake of my house waiting to get cleaned I will refrain. I am an open book and would love to have coffee and talk about adoption - so let me know if you want to know more :) and be on the look out for me sharing our profile book soon!
All Glory be to Christ the King - All glory be to Christ - His rule and reign we'll ever sing - All glory be to christ!
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Little one
Little one,
I catch myself thinking about you as if you were growing inside my belly.
Although you are not - I know for certain you are already growing in my heart.
I am praying for you little one and for the loss I know is to come.
It wasn't until recently that God allowed a sweet friend to remind me that no matter how young you are when we get to welcome you- you indeed will still feel a deep loss.
For if you are already growing in a belly somewhere you are dancing in the rhythm of her walk
You are smelling her smells and hearing her voice and despite being so young you still know you are hers I pray for our bond my little one - that you will feel safe in my touch and loved by my smell.
I anxiously await to hold you and feel your warmth. To introduce you to your sweet big brother who is sure to kiss you lots :) To see your daddy smile when you cuddle with him and to see all our family and friends coo over you .
I pray your daddy and I can help you grieve and heal when the time comes and that you may have peace at why the Lord choose you to bless us with.
I pray for your birth mom whether she knows about you or not.
I pray for her heart to heal as she learns your kicks. I pray that the Lord would use your daddy and I immensely in her life. That he would pour down peace on her heart as she chooses us to care for you. I pray her heart would heal as she grieves your loss and yet rejoice in her own bravery to give choose life for you. I pray that through life's journey you will always respect your birth mom for the choice she made for you. I pray you will never doubt our love for you despite whatever differences we may have. I pray you would find purpose in the world and experience growth through your hardships.
So wherever you are you rest in God's hands and we rejoice over the day that is to come when he entrusts you to us. What a beautiful day that will be
Love your mommy
I catch myself thinking about you as if you were growing inside my belly.
Although you are not - I know for certain you are already growing in my heart.
I am praying for you little one and for the loss I know is to come.
It wasn't until recently that God allowed a sweet friend to remind me that no matter how young you are when we get to welcome you- you indeed will still feel a deep loss.
For if you are already growing in a belly somewhere you are dancing in the rhythm of her walk
You are smelling her smells and hearing her voice and despite being so young you still know you are hers I pray for our bond my little one - that you will feel safe in my touch and loved by my smell.
I anxiously await to hold you and feel your warmth. To introduce you to your sweet big brother who is sure to kiss you lots :) To see your daddy smile when you cuddle with him and to see all our family and friends coo over you .
I pray your daddy and I can help you grieve and heal when the time comes and that you may have peace at why the Lord choose you to bless us with.
I pray for your birth mom whether she knows about you or not.
I pray for her heart to heal as she learns your kicks. I pray that the Lord would use your daddy and I immensely in her life. That he would pour down peace on her heart as she chooses us to care for you. I pray her heart would heal as she grieves your loss and yet rejoice in her own bravery to give choose life for you. I pray that through life's journey you will always respect your birth mom for the choice she made for you. I pray you will never doubt our love for you despite whatever differences we may have. I pray you would find purpose in the world and experience growth through your hardships.
So wherever you are you rest in God's hands and we rejoice over the day that is to come when he entrusts you to us. What a beautiful day that will be
Love your mommy
Thursday, October 31, 2013
A broken windshield
I was fast asleep when Andy came in the room and woke me up a little after midnight . As I was trying to awaken from the deep sleep I was in he bang asking what was in my car. I immediately knew what had happened - someone had broken into my car parked on the street in front of our house. I didn't care one bit about anything in the car . Nothing was even taken. I did however care deeply that my windshield had been broken . I don't think I fell asleep that night until well after three. I was so angry that someone would do that. I prayed and prayed for my heart to not be upset until I finally drifted back asleep. I got up early the next morning to help Andy get my car to his parents garage so it would be protected from the rain that would soon be making an appearance . I got to work that morning and Andy called to tell me how much the windshield was going to cost us and I lost it. I couldn't control the tears . I was just so upset that we were having to pay for this new windshield All because some kid decided to use it as target practice with their b b gun. I was mad because I felt like that was putting us even further behind in raising money for this adoption. That evening when I got the mail I found the tickets to our auction in the mailbox. I was so excited and told everyone I knew. When I didn't get an IMMEDIATE overwhelming response from people I became even more discouraged.
Satan was attacking - I went to bed that night feeling completely discouraged. I felt like there was no way we would ever raise the amount of money we needed to. I felt like it was never going to happen - all because of a broken windshield and a lack of immediate response.
As I laid in bed that night I remember feeling God whisper "my mercies are new every morning " into my heart over and over again.
The next day at school my boss delivered me an envelope that had been dropped off at the school. It had our name written on the outside and a typed letter in the inside explaining they had heard about my car and new what was going on with our adoption. Inside the letter was money that covered half of what it cost us for a new windshield.
His mercies are new every morning!!!
God spoke so boldly to me at how easily I become discouraged. God taught me that as long as we are following His will He will provide. I honestly believe God allowed my windshield to get broken to remind me that it is not in my hands to control. This adoption is not in my control- if we raise the funds it is not because of ANYTHING I did. If we have an amazing auction it is not because of anything I did. When my sweet baby boy or girl is placed in my arms it's not because of what I did but because The Lord ordained it so.. And for that I am thankful. Thankful that the lLord already knows what is to come . Thankful for such a hard reminder that this while process has nothing to do with me but EVERYTHING to do with Him :)
Satan was attacking - I went to bed that night feeling completely discouraged. I felt like there was no way we would ever raise the amount of money we needed to. I felt like it was never going to happen - all because of a broken windshield and a lack of immediate response.
As I laid in bed that night I remember feeling God whisper "my mercies are new every morning " into my heart over and over again.
The next day at school my boss delivered me an envelope that had been dropped off at the school. It had our name written on the outside and a typed letter in the inside explaining they had heard about my car and new what was going on with our adoption. Inside the letter was money that covered half of what it cost us for a new windshield.
His mercies are new every morning!!!
God spoke so boldly to me at how easily I become discouraged. God taught me that as long as we are following His will He will provide. I honestly believe God allowed my windshield to get broken to remind me that it is not in my hands to control. This adoption is not in my control- if we raise the funds it is not because of ANYTHING I did. If we have an amazing auction it is not because of anything I did. When my sweet baby boy or girl is placed in my arms it's not because of what I did but because The Lord ordained it so.. And for that I am thankful. Thankful that the lLord already knows what is to come . Thankful for such a hard reminder that this while process has nothing to do with me but EVERYTHING to do with Him :)
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Hurry up and wait
I am swamped by an ever growing to do list to keep this adoption process moving.
I don't do well with things hanging over my head. It keeps me up at night constantly turning what I need to accomplish the next day.
I feel like I am drowning
Drowning in paperwork, completing our profile book, fundraising, reading required texts,
I am overwhelmed
Overwhelmed with excitement, questions, anxiety about the unknown
My mind is constantly going in circles on what is left to be done
Well what's left that is in my control
I know all the hurry is soon going to turn into a time of waiting. I know at that point I will probably wish I had something I could be working on because just waiting is hard. Really hard! But at the same time I feel like the waiting will be better than this - because I will have done all I could do. It will no longer be in my hands (as if it is truly even in my hands now).Through it all I know this is a race worth running. My precious son or daughter is waiting for me. I wonder what he or she looks like! I can't wait to feel those warm baby snuggles and introduce him or her to her amazing big brother. I can't wait to pour my life into another human being!
For now I will keep marking one thing at a time.
I will keep loving on my blue eyes boy who calls me mama
I will keep laying awake at night wondering what you look like.
I will keep praying your birth mom has such an overwhelming peace that we already love you.
I will keep constantly reminding myself it will happen in Gods perfect timing and all of my what ifs will be answered and whatever happens happens
I don't do well with things hanging over my head. It keeps me up at night constantly turning what I need to accomplish the next day.
I feel like I am drowning
Drowning in paperwork, completing our profile book, fundraising, reading required texts,
I am overwhelmed
Overwhelmed with excitement, questions, anxiety about the unknown
My mind is constantly going in circles on what is left to be done
Well what's left that is in my control
I know all the hurry is soon going to turn into a time of waiting. I know at that point I will probably wish I had something I could be working on because just waiting is hard. Really hard! But at the same time I feel like the waiting will be better than this - because I will have done all I could do. It will no longer be in my hands (as if it is truly even in my hands now).Through it all I know this is a race worth running. My precious son or daughter is waiting for me. I wonder what he or she looks like! I can't wait to feel those warm baby snuggles and introduce him or her to her amazing big brother. I can't wait to pour my life into another human being!
For now I will keep marking one thing at a time.
I will keep loving on my blue eyes boy who calls me mama
I will keep laying awake at night wondering what you look like.
I will keep praying your birth mom has such an overwhelming peace that we already love you.
I will keep constantly reminding myself it will happen in Gods perfect timing and all of my what ifs will be answered and whatever happens happens
Here we go again
Funny how times change.... Two years ago from right about now I was beginning to get my feet wet in the adoption process. My mind was racing to try to finish every little piece of it that I could to control how quickly the whole process went knowing full well it wasn't mine to control. My how the Lord took control. Now - two years later here I am again.... knee deep in forms waiting to be filled out, references submitted, physicals obtained. The whole process is so intrusive and yet so overwhelmingly vague at the same time. Having to give up such detailed information about yourself knowing you won't gain nearly as much insight into the coming weeks is difficult....yet just part of it.
As I begin refilling out forms and getting things in order I feel that anxiousness and nervous energy creep in. Its like founding out your expecting, but not knowing when your due. Excitement for how quickly it could all come together and a deeper understanding of how long it could take to all unfold.
Worry and Anxiety have camped out once more on your door step waiting to just grab your heel.
Everything is unknown - when ...... who.... why.......
So here I am - writing
Not to produce eloquent words to those who read - not entirely to produce words for anyone to read at all - But to just transcribe the words on my heart through the process. I'm expecting a child again, yet this time I'm just not sure how far along I am. This time my baby is growing in my heart instead of under it.
Writing to calm the control freak inside of me raging to get out.
Writing to remind myself of the Gospel and forcing myself to not only just remind myself, but to write those words and require myself to also read them, hear them, and BELIEVE them.
In the midst of the great unknown I am thankful that I do know one thing - God is great - so great that I don't need to be in control. A God that is so great that He already knows the answer to every one of my hearts questions of when and who and how this will all unfold. He knows the timing and has it far better planned than I could ever hope to. He know the exact baby that will be my son or daughter. He knows exactly how every penny will be raised for this sweet blessing of ours. He knows it all and I don't have to know it.
So in the midst of all the emotions I am feeling I will cling to being thankful that I serve a God as mighty as He and I will find peace in his promises.
As I begin refilling out forms and getting things in order I feel that anxiousness and nervous energy creep in. Its like founding out your expecting, but not knowing when your due. Excitement for how quickly it could all come together and a deeper understanding of how long it could take to all unfold.
Worry and Anxiety have camped out once more on your door step waiting to just grab your heel.
Everything is unknown - when ...... who.... why.......
So here I am - writing
Not to produce eloquent words to those who read - not entirely to produce words for anyone to read at all - But to just transcribe the words on my heart through the process. I'm expecting a child again, yet this time I'm just not sure how far along I am. This time my baby is growing in my heart instead of under it.
Writing to calm the control freak inside of me raging to get out.
Writing to remind myself of the Gospel and forcing myself to not only just remind myself, but to write those words and require myself to also read them, hear them, and BELIEVE them.
In the midst of the great unknown I am thankful that I do know one thing - God is great - so great that I don't need to be in control. A God that is so great that He already knows the answer to every one of my hearts questions of when and who and how this will all unfold. He knows the timing and has it far better planned than I could ever hope to. He know the exact baby that will be my son or daughter. He knows exactly how every penny will be raised for this sweet blessing of ours. He knows it all and I don't have to know it.
So in the midst of all the emotions I am feeling I will cling to being thankful that I serve a God as mighty as He and I will find peace in his promises.
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