Funny how times change.... Two years ago from right about now I was beginning to get my feet wet in the adoption process. My mind was racing to try to finish every little piece of it that I could to control how quickly the whole process went knowing full well it wasn't mine to control. My how the Lord took control. Now - two years later here I am again.... knee deep in forms waiting to be filled out, references submitted, physicals obtained. The whole process is so intrusive and yet so overwhelmingly vague at the same time. Having to give up such detailed information about yourself knowing you won't gain nearly as much insight into the coming weeks is difficult....yet just part of it.
As I begin refilling out forms and getting things in order I feel that anxiousness and nervous energy creep in. Its like founding out your expecting, but not knowing when your due. Excitement for how quickly it could all come together and a deeper understanding of how long it could take to all unfold.
Worry and Anxiety have camped out once more on your door step waiting to just grab your heel.
Everything is unknown - when ...... who.... why.......
So here I am - writing
Not to produce eloquent words to those who read - not entirely to produce words for anyone to read at all - But to just transcribe the words on my heart through the process. I'm expecting a child again, yet this time I'm just not sure how far along I am. This time my baby is growing in my heart instead of under it.
Writing to calm the control freak inside of me raging to get out.
Writing to remind myself of the Gospel and forcing myself to not only just remind myself, but to write those words and require myself to also read them, hear them, and BELIEVE them.
In the midst of the great unknown I am thankful that I do know one thing - God is great - so great that I don't need to be in control. A God that is so great that He already knows the answer to every one of my hearts questions of when and who and how this will all unfold. He knows the timing and has it far better planned than I could ever hope to. He know the exact baby that will be my son or daughter. He knows exactly how every penny will be raised for this sweet blessing of ours. He knows it all and I don't have to know it.
So in the midst of all the emotions I am feeling I will cling to being thankful that I serve a God as mighty as He and I will find peace in his promises.
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